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Brought To You By The Letter ‘C’ Pt.2

I’m back!

So this is just a quick update post really. As some of you may know I’ve been dealing with cancer for the past while. If you hadn’t heard you can read my original post here.

For the past six months I’ve been going to the hospital several times a week for treatments involving skin removal, topical medicines and localized cytotoxic chemical baths. It’s been extremely painful, draining and generally awful. I would not recommend it.

Well after six months of hell, I’m proud to say that I’m almost cancer free! *insert cheering here* I have a few more treatments left, Likely only another month or so. It’s still not a 100% guarantee but my oncologist is extremely happy and has a lot of confidence that things are going end with a positive outcome. I’m extremely happy with myself for my progress, And my amazing partner who’s helped me every step of the way.

I’d like to thank everyone who reads the blog, follows me on twitter or otherwise engages with me in any way, You’re all amazing, And I love all of you.

Mental Health Monday: Week 13

MHM is back! Apologies for the absence, Let the ranting begin!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Antibiosis | an·ti·bi·o·sis : Antagonistic association between organisms to the detriment of one of them or between one organism and a metabolic product of another.

This word has been on my mind a lot lately because I think it aptly describes how I view my anxiety and depression. I suspect some of you understand what I’m getting at but others are staring at their screens wondering what I’m talking about. The words been on my mind for a while but what really sparked the inspiration for this week’s MHM was a tweet from Girly_Juice

 

Seeing this tweet made me realise that viewing my anxiety and depression in an adversarial manner, Or another person like Girly_Juice puts it isn’t just some random personal quirk of mine. Separating out my anxiety and other issues and giving them some sort of identity, be that a personality or simply an adversary helps to give me some form of control over those actions.

Then I can reject those actions, “Goddammit! I wanted to say yes to that invitation!”. Some may view this as an unhealthy internal relationship to have but I disagree, When this happens it gives me a small goal or work towards, “Next time I’m going to accept an invitation!” or “Next time I’ll tell the server this isn’t what I ordered”. Small goals have literally kept me alive, And while in the long run, it might not be an entirely healthy thing to be doing, I’ll deal with that then…With small goals.

My anxiety and I operate in an antibiotic relationship, We are a constant hindrance to one another. The best I can hope for is it turns out like any classic media in which the protagonist prevails over their adversary.

Mental Health Mondays

Brought To You By The Letter ‘C’

Hello everyone! Long time no see!

First off I want to apologize for my relative absence, This is a personal blog and while I don’t have any set schedule or need to post things on a daily basis I still feel bad that I’ve let the blog go untouched for so long.
I legitimately have no way of segueing my way into what I want to write about today so I’m just going to dive right in. I have cancer. I don’t really even need to say much more than that, But I will.

It goes without saying that Cancer sucks, I’ve lost  many of my family members to it but I’m here to assure everyone who reads this blog, or follows me on twitter or knows me in any way that I’m not going anywhere! My treatments are horrible, painful and draining but I have an incredible partner whos helping me every painful step of the way and a whole slew of amazing people I’ve met through this blog and Twitter (That’s you!).

My posts may be delayed, I may tweet less frequently and I may be overly negative but Perineum Plunders isn’t going away. I’ve been through proverbial hell throughout my past and if I can survive that I can beat aggressive skin cancer!

Thanks to those who’ve I’ve confided in already (You know who you are), It really means everything to me right now just knowing that I have people whom I can turn to if need be. And thank you to everyone whos reading this right now, your viewership and support means so much to me as this blog is truly something that I love doing.

-Perineum Plunders

Mental Health Monday: Week 12

Another MHM, Another personal issue. This week’s topic of choice? Body image and self-confidence! Well, More like my astounding lack of both.

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

This week is all about body image and self-confidence!  More specifically my historical lack thereof! I’ve always had body image issues, But it wasn’t until I started venturing out into the “real world” that I realized just how bad it had gotten for me.  Up until very recently I literally had zero confidence in myself or how I looked, Unless I was tipsy or drunk and then I simply didn’t care. Not exactly a healthy state to be in for sure.  I think the critical realization for me was when a good friend of mine complimented me and I just shut down, It was like my brain just completely ceased to function because she had complimented me. The concept that someone found anything about me “good” enough to be compliment worthy had dumbfounded me and I had no clue how to respond.

After that point, I had realized how bad it really was and from then on I was more mindful of it. Sadly being more mindful didn’t mean it got any better, This was before I was getting help from a therapist and medications so being aware of it really did nothing but make me feel worse about myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough to overcome my issues.

Many sessions with a therapist and some powerful meds later and I’m…Well, I’m making progress. A combination of professional help, amazing friends and most recently a spectacular partner have really started to help me get better. Slowly but surely I’m starting to tell myself that even though most times I may look at myself and see nothing worth noting, That isn’t everyone else’s experience, Other people perceive me very differently than myself, And they do genuinely believe that I’m worthy of praise. That used to be somewhat of a foreign concept to me. Not being able to convince myself that people weren’t lying to me was a terrible mental state.

But it’s getting better, Lately everything in my life has been getting better, and despite being exhausted from my new job, I’m actually in a mental state to enjoy it, And that’s a pretty wonderful feeling.

That’s all for this MHM, Thanks for reading everyone and remember: It’s taken millions of years to produce each and every one of you, And you’re all fucking beautiful, Regardless of what your brain, others or society says.

 

Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Mondays: Week 10

My way of dealing with things I can’t currently process, Photography! Stop by, Check out some photos I’ve taken and enjoy this week’s Mental Health Monday!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Honestly, I’m a little unsure about what to write for this week’s MHM, It’s not like I don’t have anything to write about. A lot actually happened this week that ties into my mental health but I just can’t seem to get anything out for you readers in a way that would be coherent. So I guess I will just write about one of my personal coping techniques, Photography.

While I haven’t been into photography all that long but it sure got into me! Whenever I have a bad day, Specifically when I have a day where I’m finding it hard to process things I usually try and go on a photo walk somewhere. Photography forces me to pay attention to my surroundings much more actively, looking for that interesting photo or person. Photography allows me to take a mental break and just not have to think about my life for a little while. Actually, I find I take better photos when shooting while I’m out on a mental health photo walk rather than when the mood strikes.

I really don’t have much else to add for this week’s MHM sadly so I will just leave everyone with a few images I’ve taken over the past year or two on various photo walks. I hope you enjoy.

 

 

Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 9

Fire and ice, Black and White, Trump and being a human being! This week’s MHM is all about opposites!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

This week has been nothing but a series of extreme ups and downs, I’ve had two days of probably some of the worst depression I’ve had since I started taking my medications again, But I’ve also had a lot of really positive experiences this week too, like a really wonderful talk with my current sex partner and eating some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had.

I should feel lucky that at the end of the week I don’t feel like I’m in a worse place, But that’s just  because I’m too damned tired for anything else. Bouncing between the extremes of depressive episodes and fun social times has made me feel like I’ve been bled dry by an energy vampire. My depressive episodes are usually triggered by something rather than building up over time or just arising, This time, was no different. I had sent a text to a friend and immediately realized that in my already mildly upset state had written a really bad text. The text was basically the epitome of emotional baiting. This was enough to send me into a spiral of self-deprecation and depression for two days.

On the better half of the week, I managed to have a wonderful post-sex conversation with my current sex partner that really cemented and clearly defined our current relationship which took a lot of uncertainty out of my mind. And then afterwards we decided to go to a different Thai food place and had our taste buds thoroughly pleased, Like having food sex after our bang session. And it was amazing.

I’m far too tired to really go into the details of things this week, I have no energy to reflect and type out the details of things this week. My apologies.

 

Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 8

Mental Health Mondays! Woo! Anyone else excited? Come check out this week’s MHM post; Now with more positivity!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly instalment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Seemingly by some strange series of events I’m actually in an amazing mood today, And I’ve been in a pretty swell mood all week as well.  Things just sort of fell into place this week, I’m really enjoying my job, The annoying coworker I have has been moved to a different section so I don’t have to deal with him anymore, And I found out that I’m actually getting paid more than I was initially told because of how well I’m doing.

Through my working career (If you can call it that) I’ve only ever worked retail or manual labour jobs, While currently this job is no different I genuinely enjoy what I’m doing and with the amount of money, I’m making this may be the first time in my life that I’m not living paycheque to paycheque. Anyone else who’s ever worked their butts off and been barely scraping by will know just how big of a relief the thought of being able to get ahead financially is. One of the main things that will trigger my anxiety is when I have unexpected costs pop up or just barely squeak by for bills, And it’s just and awful dreadful feeling to loom over you all the time. The possibility of me actually being able to get ahead for once and build a rainy day fund, And for once not have to worry and panic about my financial situation has me bouncing off the wall in excitement.

In totally different news I finally found the time (and funds) to get my best friend who’s an awesome hair stylist to cut and colour my hair! This is something that I have been thinking about getting done for quite a while now and I was pretty nervous about it, But after getting it done I freaking love it! She did an amazing job with it I don’t know if I can go back to my plain old hair colour anytime soon now!

It’s amazing how something seemingly so simple as putting a bit of colour in my hair can boost my self-image and self-confidence. I haven’t felt this confident in myself in a long time and after months of feeling detestable and undesirable, it’s a pretty great feeling.

 

Mental Health Mondays

Rant: Beer Preference ≠ Free Pass

Hello everyone and welcome to a new section of the blog! This is my rant space, Where I get to write out things that I’ve got on my mind, Sometimes they’ll be cohesive and other times not so much…

Some of you who follow me on twitter may know that I recently landed an amazing job working at a craft brewery! I love craft beer and it feels amazing to be a part of team that really enjoys what they do, But that doesn’t mean their isn’t stuff that pisses me off, Not even close.

The brewery I work at is referred to as a brewpub which just means we have a pub on the same premises as the brewery. The pub stays really busy and we have a very loyal customer base but I’d wager somewhere around 60-80% of our daily business is first time or new customers. Our bartender is really nice, She’s very approachable and friendly, Has excellent knowledge of our products and food pairings but she does something that really gets my blood boiling.

When it comes to craft beer and just beer enthusiasts in general you will often hear people giving recommendations for new or interesting beer to one another, But one thing I’ve noticed is that if someone outright says they dislike or hate beer near an enthusiast they often make it their mission to get that person to try a beer and get them to like it. You’ll often hear people say things like “Ohh well you just haven’t tried the right one” or after hearing what they’ve tried going “Well of course you didn’t like those beers”. This kind of behaviour certainly isn’t limited to just beer and alcohol, But it seems to be extremely prevalent in the community and especially with my coworker.

Suggestions are a great thing, They can convince people to try something new and broaden their horizons, But when someone turns down your suggestion or expresses distaste for the category don’t freaking force the issue! Our bartender is extremely bad for this, She will straight up ignore people saying that they dislike and don’t want beer and start pouring something for them anyway because, As she says “Ohh, I know your going to like this one”  or “This is so much better than XXX brand”. I understand that to a certain point that’s her job, To sell the product and to get people to try it, But she takes it way too far.

Think about the situation if you swapped beer for something else, “No thanks, I don’t like cheese” “Ohh you’ve just had crappy cheese, here’s a grilled cheese sandwich” or “No thanks, I don’t like oral sex” “Ohh you’ve just never had good oral sex”, Seems a lot less tolerable right? It’s salesmanship and curiosity up until a certain point, After that you’re just blatantly ignoring their preferences and forcing yours on them. Maybe, Just maybe they *gasp* genuinely don’t fucking like beer! Forcing people who don’t like beer to try beer isn’t going to make them magically like it, Instead they’re probably going to continue to dislike beer, Probably because they don’t like the flavours of the base ingredients in beer, Or maybe they’ll continue to dislike it just out of spite for some asshat who tried to force them to like it in the first place.

Moral of the rant is if someone says they dislike something, Don’t be “that” person who fawns and obsesses over trying to convert them to like it, If your ego can’t take the thought of someone having a different preference to your own maybe you should spend a little less time near people. Nobody likes to have their preferences forced to attempt change, And just because someones preferences differs from your own, Doesn’t mean that theirs or your preference is invalid, It’s just different!

Mental Health Monday: Week 7

Well this week seems to have disappeared! But hey, Another week gone by means another MHM!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

I realized something quite sad about myself this week, No matter how well I’m doing or how good of a week I have I’m always going to find something about myself that I hate. Something that even though others won’t see or notice I will obsess and beat myself up over. I had to have a molar removed recently and most people will probably never know that, But still I use that as an excuse to beat myself up and degrade myself. My tooth is just the most recent example, I have always found something to use against myself, My weight, Not being strong enough, Forgetting something, It really doesn’t matter what it is but I realized that I will always find something, seek it out even.

I’ve known for a long time that this was something I did but this was the first time it’s ever struck me just how severe and well…bad it was. My self-esteem has always been really low and and I’ve always had self image images issues but this is the first time they’ve genuinely made me feel ill. Hopefully this is something that I can curb or make an effort to improve but it’s been a problem for me for so long I really don’t know where to even begin. So readers, do any of you struggle with similar issues? What helps you in these situations? Let me know either in comments, email or twitter!

 

Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 6

You know the drill by now, It’s another Mental Health Monday!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Finally I have something genuinely positive to write about this week! After many many months of being unemployed and desperately searching for employment, I finally landed a job! Prior to this point I’ve always just seen my job as just that, A job. It was always just something I did but didn’t enjoy simply because I had bills and ambitions that required money. This time around I finally found a job that I can say I enjoy going to, I like my coworkers and I enjoy the work and the products we make, I think I can finally understand what the term “job satisfaction” means now.

Additionally this job is not only enjoyable for me, It’s the best pay and benefits I have ever had at any job I’ve ever worked. I don’t think your average person who works without mental health issues can really fathom the hell that is being unemployed whilst trying to pay for rent, food and meds. In my case I mostly had to cut out two of those, For the past couple months I had to cut out two of my 3 daily medications because I couldn’t afford it, As well as cut my food budget down to unhealthy levels. Panic attacks from the constant financial stress and lack of meds just became a part of my life. My depression became worse without my meds and in general I just felt miserable all the time. Not a situation anyone should have to go through.

But finally after a really long time, Things are genuinely looking up. I’m finally on a track where I can not only get back to stability, I can actually improve my life rather than just scraping by, And that’s a pretty wonderful feeling.

 

Mental Health Mondays
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