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Mental Health Monday: Week 9

Fire and ice, Black and White, Trump and being a human being! This week’s MHM is all about opposites!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

This week has been nothing but a series of extreme ups and downs, I’ve had two days of probably some of the worst depression I’ve had since I started taking my medications again, But I’ve also had a lot of really positive experiences this week too, like a really wonderful talk with my current sex partner and eating some of the best Thai food I’ve ever had.

I should feel lucky that at the end of the week I don’t feel like I’m in a worse place, But that’s just  because I’m too damned tired for anything else. Bouncing between the extremes of depressive episodes and fun social times has made me feel like I’ve been bled dry by an energy vampire. My depressive episodes are usually triggered by something rather than building up over time or just arising, This time, was no different. I had sent a text to a friend and immediately realized that in my already mildly upset state had written a really bad text. The text was basically the epitome of emotional baiting. This was enough to send me into a spiral of self-deprecation and depression for two days.

On the better half of the week, I managed to have a wonderful post-sex conversation with my current sex partner that really cemented and clearly defined our current relationship which took a lot of uncertainty out of my mind. And then afterwards we decided to go to a different Thai food place and had our taste buds thoroughly pleased, Like having food sex after our bang session. And it was amazing.

I’m far too tired to really go into the details of things this week, I have no energy to reflect and type out the details of things this week. My apologies.


Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 8

Mental Health Mondays! Woo! Anyone else excited? Come check out this week’s MHM post; Now with more positivity!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly instalment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Seemingly by some strange series of events I’m actually in an amazing mood today, And I’ve been in a pretty swell mood all week as well.  Things just sort of fell into place this week, I’m really enjoying my job, The annoying coworker I have has been moved to a different section so I don’t have to deal with him anymore, And I found out that I’m actually getting paid more than I was initially told because of how well I’m doing.

Through my working career (If you can call it that) I’ve only ever worked retail or manual labour jobs, While currently this job is no different I genuinely enjoy what I’m doing and with the amount of money, I’m making this may be the first time in my life that I’m not living paycheque to paycheque. Anyone else who’s ever worked their butts off and been barely scraping by will know just how big of a relief the thought of being able to get ahead financially is. One of the main things that will trigger my anxiety is when I have unexpected costs pop up or just barely squeak by for bills, And it’s just and awful dreadful feeling to loom over you all the time. The possibility of me actually being able to get ahead for once and build a rainy day fund, And for once not have to worry and panic about my financial situation has me bouncing off the wall in excitement.

In totally different news I finally found the time (and funds) to get my best friend who’s an awesome hair stylist to cut and colour my hair! This is something that I have been thinking about getting done for quite a while now and I was pretty nervous about it, But after getting it done I freaking love it! She did an amazing job with it I don’t know if I can go back to my plain old hair colour anytime soon now!

It’s amazing how something seemingly so simple as putting a bit of colour in my hair can boost my self-image and self-confidence. I haven’t felt this confident in myself in a long time and after months of feeling detestable and undesirable, it’s a pretty great feeling.


Mental Health Mondays

Rant: Beer Preference ≠ Free Pass

Hello everyone and welcome to a new section of the blog! This is my rant space, Where I get to write out things that I’ve got on my mind, Sometimes they’ll be cohesive and other times not so much…

Some of you who follow me on twitter may know that I recently landed an amazing job working at a craft brewery! I love craft beer and it feels amazing to be a part of team that really enjoys what they do, But that doesn’t mean their isn’t stuff that pisses me off, Not even close.

The brewery I work at is referred to as a brewpub which just means we have a pub on the same premises as the brewery. The pub stays really busy and we have a very loyal customer base but I’d wager somewhere around 60-80% of our daily business is first time or new customers. Our bartender is really nice, She’s very approachable and friendly, Has excellent knowledge of our products and food pairings but she does something that really gets my blood boiling.

When it comes to craft beer and just beer enthusiasts in general you will often hear people giving recommendations for new or interesting beer to one another, But one thing I’ve noticed is that if someone outright says they dislike or hate beer near an enthusiast they often make it their mission to get that person to try a beer and get them to like it. You’ll often hear people say things like “Ohh well you just haven’t tried the right one” or after hearing what they’ve tried going “Well of course you didn’t like those beers”. This kind of behaviour certainly isn’t limited to just beer and alcohol, But it seems to be extremely prevalent in the community and especially with my coworker.

Suggestions are a great thing, They can convince people to try something new and broaden their horizons, But when someone turns down your suggestion or expresses distaste for the category don’t freaking force the issue! Our bartender is extremely bad for this, She will straight up ignore people saying that they dislike and don’t want beer and start pouring something for them anyway because, As she says “Ohh, I know your going to like this one”  or “This is so much better than XXX brand”. I understand that to a certain point that’s her job, To sell the product and to get people to try it, But she takes it way too far.

Think about the situation if you swapped beer for something else, “No thanks, I don’t like cheese” “Ohh you’ve just had crappy cheese, here’s a grilled cheese sandwich” or “No thanks, I don’t like oral sex” “Ohh you’ve just never had good oral sex”, Seems a lot less tolerable right? It’s salesmanship and curiosity up until a certain point, After that you’re just blatantly ignoring their preferences and forcing yours on them. Maybe, Just maybe they *gasp* genuinely don’t fucking like beer! Forcing people who don’t like beer to try beer isn’t going to make them magically like it, Instead they’re probably going to continue to dislike beer, Probably because they don’t like the flavours of the base ingredients in beer, Or maybe they’ll continue to dislike it just out of spite for some asshat who tried to force them to like it in the first place.

Moral of the rant is if someone says they dislike something, Don’t be “that” person who fawns and obsesses over trying to convert them to like it, If your ego can’t take the thought of someone having a different preference to your own maybe you should spend a little less time near people. Nobody likes to have their preferences forced to attempt change, And just because someones preferences differs from your own, Doesn’t mean that theirs or your preference is invalid, It’s just different!

Mental Health Monday: Week 7

Well this week seems to have disappeared! But hey, Another week gone by means another MHM!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

I realized something quite sad about myself this week, No matter how well I’m doing or how good of a week I have I’m always going to find something about myself that I hate. Something that even though others won’t see or notice I will obsess and beat myself up over. I had to have a molar removed recently and most people will probably never know that, But still I use that as an excuse to beat myself up and degrade myself. My tooth is just the most recent example, I have always found something to use against myself, My weight, Not being strong enough, Forgetting something, It really doesn’t matter what it is but I realized that I will always find something, seek it out even.

I’ve known for a long time that this was something I did but this was the first time it’s ever struck me just how severe and well…bad it was. My self-esteem has always been really low and and I’ve always had self image images issues but this is the first time they’ve genuinely made me feel ill. Hopefully this is something that I can curb or make an effort to improve but it’s been a problem for me for so long I really don’t know where to even begin. So readers, do any of you struggle with similar issues? What helps you in these situations? Let me know either in comments, email or twitter!


Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 6

You know the drill by now, It’s another Mental Health Monday!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Finally I have something genuinely positive to write about this week! After many many months of being unemployed and desperately searching for employment, I finally landed a job! Prior to this point I’ve always just seen my job as just that, A job. It was always just something I did but didn’t enjoy simply because I had bills and ambitions that required money. This time around I finally found a job that I can say I enjoy going to, I like my coworkers and I enjoy the work and the products we make, I think I can finally understand what the term “job satisfaction” means now.

Additionally this job is not only enjoyable for me, It’s the best pay and benefits I have ever had at any job I’ve ever worked. I don’t think your average person who works without mental health issues can really fathom the hell that is being unemployed whilst trying to pay for rent, food and meds. In my case I mostly had to cut out two of those, For the past couple months I had to cut out two of my 3 daily medications because I couldn’t afford it, As well as cut my food budget down to unhealthy levels. Panic attacks from the constant financial stress and lack of meds just became a part of my life. My depression became worse without my meds and in general I just felt miserable all the time. Not a situation anyone should have to go through.

But finally after a really long time, Things are genuinely looking up. I’m finally on a track where I can not only get back to stability, I can actually improve my life rather than just scraping by, And that’s a pretty wonderful feeling.


Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 5

A delayed Mental Health Monday is better than no MHM right?

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I’m running in hopes that it catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate in and bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.

Sorry about the delayed post this week, I had a filling fall out of my tooth causing me extreme pain and discomfort and I’ve been rather hopped up on pain meds.

Honestly I’m a little unsure about what to write about this week, Other than the tooth pain I actually had a good week, The first genuinely good week I’ve had in a long while. I reestablished connections with someone who I haven’t had contact with in quite a while, I found an amazing new band to add to my ever growing collection of music and I manged to work up the effort to clean my computer desk.  It’s been a week of small battles and victories rather than all out war, And sometimes in the journey of dealing with your own mind that can be a really refreshing thing, Even though it wasn’t an entirely positive week and I still had my moments of weakness and self doubt they seemed relatively minor compared to the positives of the week. The issues didn’t go away or even particularly get better, It was still a battle the whole way through the week, But it felt like the weight I was carrying was ever so slightly lighter this week.

I’ve never been able to get into journaling. I just never found myself falling into the habit, Mostly because I just never found myself to have much to say on a daily basis, But this format of MHM has been really nice. Once a week allows for me to have some time to reflect and collaborate my own thoughts and actually give me enough to write rather than single line remarks like “Today sucked” which isn’t exactly helpful in the scope of things. So I ask you readers, Do you find journaling to be a benefit? Do you do it daily? Weekly? Monthly? or maybe you’ve never tried but i’m curious to hear some responses so let me know in the comments section!


Mental Health Mondays

Review: Doxy Skittle

The Doxy Skittle is here! And It’s quite an interesting looking one, But it won’t make you taste the rainbow…Actually it’s so powerful that it just might.

I’ll be totally honest here, This was originally going to be a video review, But after loosing my footage 3 separate times I’m far too frustrated to re-film and re-edit what I’ve lost right now, Remember people, A single backup isn’t enough! I will probably still make the video review, But I wanted to get this out first.


I feel like a lot of people may not realize that Skittle is also the name for a pin used in the game “Skittles” rather than the sugary candy, Which makes a lot more sense when you look at the Doxy Skittle  because clearly it looks nothing like candy. But it is a really interesting looking toy isn’t it? I was almost slightly confused as to why it was designed like this when I first looked at it but after using it that confusion went out the window. The Doxy Skittle is a wall outlet powered vibrator meant to be gender neutral, Usable for variety of body types, And offer powerful vibrations.

Top Section

The whole thing stands around 19cm tall with the insertable portion being approximately 6cm in height, Immediately after the insertable portion the toy flares out to oval base around 5cm wide, The Skittle stays pretty wide and curves in an out again down towards the base but this is where you hold the toy rather than use it. Most of the toy is covered in matte silicone except for a strip along the bottom which is ABS plastic. Coming out of the base is the cord which leads the inline controller for the toy, The other side of the controller leads to the wall plug. The attached cable for the Skittle is insanely long, It’s easily the longest cable I have ever seen on a toy and I don’t think anyone would ever complain about not being able to reach somewhere from the outlet, It’s 4 meters long!

Lets talk about the controller for a minute because some wonderful little details were added that I love. The controller has 3 nice and big buttons with inset power, plus and minus symbols on them, In addition the buttons glow blue when the toy is on making them even easier to use but my favourite bit is that even if the toy is off when you plug it in the buttons pulse and light up for a second, this is a really nice little detail that makes finding the controller in the dark really easy – Kudos Doxy. Other than that the controller functions like you would expect, Power for on and off, plus and minus for increasing or decreasing vibration intensity. Accessing the pulse setting is a little bit different though, you have to turn the toy off and then turn it back on again by holding the power button down for two seconds then releasing it, After that you can use the plus and minus buttons to vary intensity.

Coming back to the insertable pointer or “finger” and the base below it, Along the one side of the base there is a raised section with two indented sections to either side, I’m pretty sure that this is meant to sit comfortably between labia and provide clitoral stimulation but I found another great use for it, More on that a bit later. The Skittle isn’t an overly large toy but it’s sure built well, the entire package feels really solid without feeling extra heavy or cumbersome.

In Use

The Doxy Skittle is powerful, Extremely powerful, This is my first experience with a wall powered toy but I’d almost be hesitant to call what the Skittle puts out as vibrations, Quakes? Tremors? Contained dimensional instabilities? Whatever you call them they’re powerful enough to literally rub the skin off you, Sometimes in very sensitive areas (Not my best moment.). So if you need powerful vibrations the Skittle has you more than covered.

skittle on its side

My first go with the Skittle was pretty interesting, I took one look at the shape and the design and went “Prostate massage!” But after a sufficient amount of lube I was quite sad to find that the shaft on the end of the Skittle just isn’t near long enough to reach my prostate. The perineum massage from the smaller raised nub on the base felt great with the toy inserted though, And the vibrations from the pointer felt good internally, It just wasn’t hitting anywhere particularly interesting. As an external massager the Skittle is wonderful, It’s powerful and can pinpoint areas very easily due to the narrow pointer, But it can also supply some pretty great broad stimulation as well if you use the side of the pointer or the base instead of the tip.

After a few uses with the Skittle I kinda felt like I had discovered all there was to be discovered, And It was a great toy, I had no complaints, But then I found the way I’ve used to Skittle almost every single way since. Remember the little raised nub on the base? Well the curved swoop from that nub up to the pointer makes it perfect for wrapping around the head of your penis, So you get frenum stimulation from the pointer and extra stimulation from the nub on the front. With the Skittle in this orientation my entire stance on the toy changed, It went from a great toy to holy grail levels of pleasure. The combination of vibrations on both sides combined with the sheer power of the vibrations makes this probably the fastest and most powerful orgasm I’ve ever had. I often hear women say that the Magic Wand or the Doxy Wand are their go to when they can’t reach climax or just want to climax quickly and now I finally know what having that trump card is like.

Final Thoughts – Doxy Skittle

The Skittle is a wonderful addition to the toy box, I love the gender neutral design and the insanely powerful vibrations. The toy feels really good in the hand and I never found it overly heavy or tiring to hold on to. Orgasms from the Skittle come swiftly and they feel amazing. The Skittle did have a few points that I think could use some attention on future iterations, Like the seam running down the middle of the toy, While I couldn’t feel this in use it does detract from an otherwise stellar build quality. And the noise is could be a deal breaker for some, It’s not loud by any means, especially with how powerful the toy is, But’s its louder than your average vibrator.

I was a little disappointed that I couldn’t get any prostate stimulation from the Skittle but the skittle wasn’t designed for that, It was designed as an all purpose powerful vibrator for all body types and genders, And I think it does a pretty great job. External massage felt great and direct stimulation to the penis is intensely satisfying and I have no qualms with how the Skittle performed. Aside from the seam on the toy my other other critiques would be that I’d like to see the main unit of the toy sealed from water and moisture so it’s easier to clean, And maybe a different orientation for the cable, While not overly intrusive it did get in the way a couple of times.

In short, If you’re looking for a powerful vibrator that you don’t need to charge, don’t mind the relatively short insertable length or are looking for a external vibe the Doxy Skittle gets a standing orgasm ovation from me! Check out the listings on Doxy’s website to find a retailer near you, Or check your favourite online retailer!

A big thank you to Doxy for sending the Skittle out to me in exchange for an honest and  unbiased review.

Mental Health Monday: Week 4

Yet another week, And yet another Monday, But that means Mental Health Mondays!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that will hopefully catch on with other websites and bloggers, whether or not that happens is another story. You can read more over at Mental Health Mondays.

This week hasn’t been so much of a bad week for me as it has been a week for discovery. After having so many people recommend me to try out meditation as a way for me to deal with anxiety and depression I decided to give a try. I spent some time, studied various methods and then set aside the time the following day to try to meditate, After a short while meditating my mind ended up drifting to the places you don’t want it to go, The state of mind where seemingly everything feels like it weighs  200kg and you can’t bear the weight of your problems anymore. I decided to call it quits at the time and see if my state of mind changed the next day, It didn’t. I tried three days in a row and every single time I was left alone with my thoughts and had no distractions I ended up in a head space that I really didn’t want to be in. Maybe at some point I will be in a place where meditation will work for me, And maybe I’ll come to enjoy the act of meditating but currently it’s not worth the mental state it puts me in. Now I know that I’m not currently capable of using meditation for helping my mental state, It sucks that it didn’t work but it’s another thing crossed off the list, So  now I can try to find something that does work for me.


Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 3

Welcome to the third week of Mental Health Mondays!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that will hopefully catch on with other websites and bloggers, whether or not that happens is another story. You can read more over at Mental Health Mondays.

Yet another really difficult week for me, But that’s why I started this series! To give me and others creative outlet for dealing with mental health issues.

I went to a concert this week, It’s a concert that me and my best friend have been looking forward to for months, Years if you count fandom of the band and hoping they do a world tour. They finally played where I live and they put on an amazing show, But it was really hard for me to enjoy the concert due to my anxiety and self-worth issues. Ever since I shut down emotionally after Perineum’s Praeterita: Part I I’ve had a really hard time being an expressive person, It’s not that I don’t feel emotions, quite the opposite in fact it’s just that I don’t express them on my face or with body language as easily as most people. My lack of externally showing emotions coupled with my inability to let go and have fun in public meant that instead of standing up with my best friend and banging my head with her and moving around to the music, I just sat there and watched.

A few times she looked back to me and gestured for me to get up with her and I was screaming at myself to just do it and have fun but I couldn’t, At that point I’d have given anything just to be able to let go of all the crap in my head telling me that I can’t do it and just have fun, But I couldn’t. Not only did I not enjoy myself as much as I should have, But I hampered my friends enjoyment of the show by not participating with her and making her worry about me and my health immediately afterwards. All of this because I can’t bring myself to let go, And not care about what I look like while having fun. Something that seems so simple is so far from being obtainable for me. I was originally going to type “I hate my brain sometimes” but I realized that it’s not my brain that I hate, Today it’s me as a person.


Mental Health Mondays

Mental Health Monday: Week 2

Welcome to the second week of Mental Health Monday!

Hello  everyone and welcome to  Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that will hopefully catch on with other websites and bloggers, whether or not that happens is another story. You can read more over at Mental Health Mondays.

Triggers: Self Harm

This has been a really awful week for me, I’ve been under and immense amount of pressure and stress and I don’t really have any outlets for it currently, So I end up not expressing anything until I explode and do something stupid, That was yesterday. Even with my issues I’ve generally not taken part in self-harm, or at least not often, I can count the number of times that I’ve self-harmed on one hand but I ended up there in the end. When I have allowed myself to self-harm it’s never been cutting or scratching or tearing, I sat in the shower for I don’t know how long punching myself in the leg until my leg and arm were so numb I couldn’t move them anymore. And of course that doesn’t help anything, it’s the day after and I can still barely move my leg, My arm is killing me and now I feel guilty because I allowed myself to do that.  Looking back in hindsight  of course it makes zero sense that beating the crap out of yourself is going to not only injure you but put you in a negative mood, But when you’re breaking down and the only thoughts in your head are about how screwed you are and how much you hate yourself sometimes your body moves seemingly of its own accord, Like that’s what it was meant to do and your brain was just holding it back with logic and self worth. Thanks for reading.


Mental Health Mondays
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