Another MHM, Another personal issue. This week’s topic of choice? Body image and self-confidence! Well, More like my astounding lack of both.
Hello everyone and welcome to Mental Health Monday! This is a weekly installment that I hope catches on and becomes a series that others feel comfortable enough to participate. And hopefully, bring more attention to dealing with mental health. If you’re curious and would like to participate head over to Mental Health Mondays guideline page.
This week is all about body image and self-confidence! More specifically my historical lack thereof! I’ve always had body image issues, But it wasn’t until I started venturing out into the “real world” that I realized just how bad it had gotten for me. Up until very recently I literally had zero confidence in myself or how I looked, Unless I was tipsy or drunk and then I simply didn’t care. Not exactly a healthy state to be in for sure. I think the critical realization for me was when a good friend of mine complimented me and I just shut down, It was like my brain just completely ceased to function because she had complimented me. The concept that someone found anything about me “good” enough to be compliment worthy had dumbfounded me and I had no clue how to respond.
After that point, I had realized how bad it really was and from then on I was more mindful of it. Sadly being more mindful didn’t mean it got any better, This was before I was getting help from a therapist and medications so being aware of it really did nothing but make me feel worse about myself because I felt like I wasn’t good enough to overcome my issues.
Many sessions with a therapist and some powerful meds later and I’m…Well, I’m making progress. A combination of professional help, amazing friends and most recently a spectacular partner have really started to help me get better. Slowly but surely I’m starting to tell myself that even though most times I may look at myself and see nothing worth noting, That isn’t everyone else’s experience, Other people perceive me very differently than myself, And they do genuinely believe that I’m worthy of praise. That used to be somewhat of a foreign concept to me. Not being able to convince myself that people weren’t lying to me was a terrible mental state.
But it’s getting better, Lately everything in my life has been getting better, and despite being exhausted from my new job, I’m actually in a mental state to enjoy it, And that’s a pretty wonderful feeling.
That’s all for this MHM, Thanks for reading everyone and remember: It’s taken millions of years to produce each and every one of you, And you’re all fucking beautiful, Regardless of what your brain, others or society says.